October 21, 2014
Y - E - S

Y - E - S

(via quotelounge)

October 21, 2014
Waiting for my time… I want this.

Waiting for my time… I want this.

(Source: hqlines)

October 21, 2014
So he looked…

SF sent me one last note after I told him to go look on FB if he wanted to know anything about me:
  • Ok, so it looks like you had a great time at home and at the music festival. You look happy and amazing as always. The black and white picture is great also
As I suspected he is just trying to make himself feel better for having dumped me. As long as I am “happy’ he doesn’t feel so guilty. Whatever, I didn’t respond to the message. Nothing to say and he left it at that as well. 

October 20, 2014
Venting…

I need to get this off my chest and do not want to open up a can of worms with SF. I am going to use this blog to “send” the email I want to send to him:

SF,
 
A month before you actually ended it with me I wrote this post on my blog. It is one of many times I wrote about us as you know but this one best sums up our relationship over the past year and a half. 
 
AUGUST 28, 2014
It’s Falling apart…

Without even trying my relationship with (nickname) is unraveling and if I am honest it was never stable. I just don’t know what to do again… When will this be what I hoped it would be?

When will I just have the strength to move on? I don’t even know if I am single. I am not acting like I am but I don’t have a partner either. I am just dating someone and I feel like it is an audition I am failing.

The past year and a half “dating” you  has been emotionally exhausting. You treated me like crap. Never wanting to commit but never letting me go either, you were selfish. I put up with it because I thought you felt our connection. However you never have felt the way I did about you. You are finally “done” or are “over” me and now you want to “check in” to see how I am doing? Why? Trying to make yourself feel better? Telling yourself that, "hey I still care, I want her to be ok and I want her to know that I still care. See I’m a good guy". Well fuck you, you are selfish, if you were actually a good guy you’d leave me the fuck alone for at least a few months, not a couple of weeks. Like I said before whatever is on FB that everyone can see is all I am willing to share with you. Why would I share more?

I am glad you finally got the balls to end it with me though because regardless of how shitty you treated me I wouldn’t have left. I admit I was the one clutching at straws and holding on to something that didn’t exist. But I am actually doing really well and feel like a weight was lifted. This quote best describes how a I have been feeling:

"Was it hard?” I ask.
“Letting go?”

"Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn’t real."

— Lisa Schroeder

Am I still hurt, yes. Do I regret anything, no. I am however feeing a lot better than I have in a really long time. I am not stressed. Do you know what was causing a lot of my insomnia? You. I got home from my trip and slept 12 straight hours uninterrupted. I continue to be sleeping well because I am not fucking stressed about dating you.

Maybe someday we can be friends. It’s not like I hate you but a friendship right now is not possible because for the last month we “dated” you were not even a friend to me. And three weeks of not talking is not enough distance I am sure you can at least agree with that. 

Me

October 20, 2014
beautifulquote:

Beautiful Quote #NewPost [9]

Wow….

beautifulquote:

Beautiful Quote #NewPost [9]

Wow….

(via lynds-sanity)

October 20, 2014
SF…

I guess I am not surprised. My responses are in bold.

  • how are you? How were your trips?
  • they went well and i am fine.
  • lol.  ok.  that was thorough.  but at least you responded.
  • not sure what you want, whatever you want to know is on fb. just look there.
  • ok

I am still hurt although I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER, but he is an ass. 

October 20, 2014
Aussie-Brit…

I almost forgot! I also had a Skype date with the Aussie-Brit yesterday. He lives in England now and wants me to go visit. I actually want to go visit as I think it would really be a great opportunity…. I am going to wait to see how things pane out with the Salesman though. It is still to early to commit to traveling.
I also have a “meet-up” date on Wednesday with a Runner. He and I have both been out of town so we are now just getting a chance to figure out a meeting time. 
I am also about to sign off on the online accounts for a little bit because it is starting to get overwhelming again. Three weeks seems to be my limit. If things do not progress with the Salesman I’ll sign back on. 

October 20, 2014
"It’s okay to cry over him.
It’s even okay to forgive him.
But do not go back to him.
If he did not know how to love you the first time,
He won’t know how to do it the next."

— (via bubblegum-hoe)

(Source: daddyfuckedme, via heroes-get-rememberedd)

October 20, 2014
The Realtor…

You know that moment when you realize, wow I am a second choice. Well I had that this weekend with the Realtor. He is a nice guy but clearly not really into me, at least I am not a viable person he would want to date. I called him a robot because he is so closed off.
He ended up really opening up to me at the end and told me about this girl he dated that ended poorly. His description of meeting her and hitting it off showed me exactly what he should have done if he was actually interested in me. I wasn’t upset because I know he and I do not have that kind of connection. At most we can be friends which is fine with me. It was interesting hanging out with him for such a long time.
He picked me up at 2 on Saturday and we went to lunch, bowling, a couple of sports bars to watch football, we met up with one of his friend and went to a roof top party and finally ended up at some restaurant for food again. I did not get home until 2 am… WOW! haha!! Overall it was a good time.
I got up at around 10 on Sunday and he had crashed at a friends place. He texted me and wanted to know if I wanted to meet for lunch. I met him for lunch and we chatted a bit more about this girl he was hung up on. It was interesting because I could tell he was struggling to share with me but for some reason he really seemed like he wanted to talk. I let him and we had a nice lunch. I don’t know what else will happen or if/when I will see him again but I feel like a friendship with me would help him. I don’t know why I feel that way but I do. 
As for the Salesman, I heard from him yesterday and we are hopefully getting together on Wednesday. I am still hopeful that something develops with him.

October 18, 2014
"Two words. Three vowels. Four constenants. Seven letters. It can either cut you open to the core and leave you in ungodly pain or it can free your soul and lift a tremendous weight off you shoulders. The phrase is: It’s over."

— Maggi Richard (via hqlines)

Yes.

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